you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
