I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
