I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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