Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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