We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
