So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
