shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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