Can Purell be used as lube?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
