How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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