**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
