How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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