Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
