I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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