I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
