Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
