were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
