I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she told me i tasted like america
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
