My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
