last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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