When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just invented taco cereal.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
