Nicole vs. Life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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