the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
