from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can text with my tongue
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
