I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
