i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
