I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
