I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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