is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
