Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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