Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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