I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
