my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
