I met the friendliest cop last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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