What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
