upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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