Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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