You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
