you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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