that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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