In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
should my penis look like a turkey
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
