bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love having hate sex.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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