I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
