dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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