I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
