I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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