new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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