Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
