you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
