So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
