my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
