did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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