awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
