Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
