I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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