it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
