Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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