Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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