I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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