So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
