i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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