Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
