why didn't you poke me back
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
