Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
