Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
