4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You are the jesus of drinking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
