Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
