I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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