just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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