Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
