CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
