Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
