You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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