I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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