Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
