I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
