you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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