Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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